Polyamory is a bit like gender identity or sexual orientation. Some people (like me) are just not wired for full-time monogamous nesting relationships in the same way that a straight person isn’t likely to feel sexual attraction to a member of the same sex. Consider how you might feel if your daughter came out as gay, or non-binary. Would your reaction be different?
She’s still growing and developing. I think one of the biggest changes between our generation (X, Millenial, maybe older end of Z) and the younger generation is that there isn’t this fear or stigma about trying out alternative lifestyles. It doesn’t mean that they are inherently more or less likely to be queer or non-monogamous, it means they are more free to try these identities on and see if they fit with a reduced risk of being socially ostracized.
It’s very possible that your daughter is just trying this out. Completely independent of your reaction, it is completely feasible that she determines that she (or her partner(s)) figure out that it is not a good fit on her/their own. Regardless of that outcome, your behavior around this will affect your relationship with her. You can be uncomfortable, you can even communicate to her that you are uncomfortable, as long as you still give her space to explore, and I think she will continue to confide in you and trust you with this kind of access into her life as she matures into an adult.
For what it’s worth, I think most people assume monogamy is a default, but I believe it should be a conscious choice. It is absolutely the best choice for MOST people, but I think we would all be happier if we navigated into our relationship styles based on informed decisions, rather than societal expectations.
Polyamory is a bit like gender identity or sexual orientation. Some people (like me) are just not wired for full-time monogamous nesting relationships in the same way that a straight person isn’t likely to feel sexual attraction to a member of the same sex. Consider how you might feel if your daughter came out as gay, or non-binary. Would your reaction be different?
She’s still growing and developing. I think one of the biggest changes between our generation (X, Millenial, maybe older end of Z) and the younger generation is that there isn’t this fear or stigma about trying out alternative lifestyles. It doesn’t mean that they are inherently more or less likely to be queer or non-monogamous, it means they are more free to try these identities on and see if they fit with a reduced risk of being socially ostracized.
It’s very possible that your daughter is just trying this out. Completely independent of your reaction, it is completely feasible that she determines that she (or her partner(s)) figure out that it is not a good fit on her/their own. Regardless of that outcome, your behavior around this will affect your relationship with her. You can be uncomfortable, you can even communicate to her that you are uncomfortable, as long as you still give her space to explore, and I think she will continue to confide in you and trust you with this kind of access into her life as she matures into an adult.
For what it’s worth, I think most people assume monogamy is a default, but I believe it should be a conscious choice. It is absolutely the best choice for MOST people, but I think we would all be happier if we navigated into our relationship styles based on informed decisions, rather than societal expectations.