Maybe he’ll get bored with retirement, have a mid-no-life crisis and the resulting breakdown will generate some interesting news stories.

Quick, blame some missing dead guy for it.

And your hair will grow back like it used to.

Oops, accidentally deleted my DNA instead and now I’m melting.

You might be able to find a shop vac with a large enough hose and intake port, typical household vacuums will struggle to fit anything larger than a medium-sized kitten. I urge you to reconsider though; whatever the cat did wrong, there’s no way it deserves this. Show some mercy.

Waffles that let themselves go.