I’ve had pretty good success with online dating in the past, and my current long-term relationship (3.5 years) is a lovely woman I met on Tinder. When we first matched, neither of us was looking for something long-term. For me, it helped to look at dating apps as just a first impression, which means you don’t want to overwhelm someone with your profile. My advice is going to be tailored to Tinder, because it’s where I had the most success. That’s probably due to sheer volume though. It also worked on Bumble, but I have no experience with FB Dating, so I can’t speak to that.

When selecting pictures to use, there’s a couple things I would suggest. •Always include multiple pictures with friends or family. People swiping on your profile will want to know that you have a social life, and you’ll probably look happier in pictures with others. •Try to also include pictures that reveal a hobby or interest of yours rather than talk about it in your bio. I’ll elaborate on this point later. •Be honest and kind to yourself and think about what makes you attractive to others. Personally, I’ve been told that my laugh is infectious, so I went with a candid picture of myself laughing with my friends. Dates have specifically pointed that picture out as the one that sold them on me. There’s something that sets you apart, you just have to identify it. •You don’t have to completely avoid pictures of yourself alone or selfies, but you have to be intentioned when including these. Is it a picture where you look really good? Is the composition of the photo interesting or different? Does it show off your flair or sense of style? Is it one of the aforementioned hobby photos? If you can’t answer yes to at least one of these questions, it probably shouldn’t be included. A picture with just you is going to lead to heightened scrutiny of the only subject that is of any interest to someone looking at your profile: you. Make sure it showcases you well.

I personally like to keep the bio short and sweet. The point of the bio is to give them enough information to want to know more about me. They don’t need my life story, and they probably don’t want to read a wall of text. If you match, you want to give them space to ask questions about you so that the conversation doesn’t go stale. If they can look it all up in your bio, it becomes redundant to ask. To that end, my own bio was only two lines: my height and a statement that was funny and personal. I always included my height because I’m on the shorter side (5’7) and I know it’s a dealbreaker for some. I’m fine with that, since I’m not trying to waste their time or my time. The second line was “My mom cuts my hair.” It’s true, and to me it was funny in an unexpected way. It also revealed that I have a good relationship with my mother. However, I later learned that some people just thought it was a joke, so maybe it didn’t come across the way I intended. You could definitely find something that works for you in between the wall of text and my completely barebones bio.

Lastly, and this might not be the easiest because you mentioned having social anxiety, but you should be looking to go on a physical date as soon as possible. It’s where I really got to know the people that I matched with, and let me better figure out whether it was someone I could see myself in a relationship with. An in-person date doesn’t have to mean something serious. I prefer coffee dates, which I’ve read that some women see as a sign that you’re not serious about them or a cheapskate. I’m here to tell you that those women don’t exist, or at least never did for me 3.5+ years ago, so don’t worry about it. It’s a casual setting where either party can leave if they’re not feeling it, and many people appreciate that. If the date goes well enough, it can swing into lunch or dinner pretty easily. Dating is a skill, and it’s a pretty different skillset than being in a relationship. The only way to improve at dating is to actually go on dates, so push yourself to ask for them. Chances are, if they’re still messaging you back after a day or two, they’re interested enough to go on a date.

I tried to be as comprehensive as possible, but please let me know if there’s anything you want further clarification on. I’d be happy to help, and I’m rooting for you :)

I’m really not in a position to understand your financial situation, but I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to accept money from people. I’ve been on a few dates with girls who just put their Cashapp/Venmo in their dating bios without any explanation, and it weirdly seems to work. I’ve literally seen the notifications of random men just sending them money while we’re out for coffee or something. It’s not like they made a bunch of money from it or anything, but there were definitely guys willing to send them money without them even asking for it or pretending to offer anything in return. If you’re not lying to them and they just send you money, I don’t think you’re not a bad person for taking it. Some people just want to spend that way. I will say that if it makes you feel weird, you probably shouldn’t do it though.

If you need someone to talk to in the future, feel free to dm me. I’m not opposed to a respectful Internet friendship, and if you’re feeling lonely and just want someone to talk to I don’t want you to necessarily feel limited to the contents of the original post.

Yeah I can’t say the conversations with those guys were exactly a good thing, but you regret it and I don’t see the point in dwelling on it as long as you don’t do it again. Feeling guilty about not telling him at first is a normal reaction, but things didn’t go wrong just because you didn’t tell him immediately. You worked up the courage to tell him, and that took strength. I will say though, I don’t think it’s necessarily good to tell him just because it makes you feel guilty. You should share things with people out of a positive want to, not out of guilt.

I saw elsewhere in the thread that your body count made you feel terrible because it got such a negative reaction from this guy. I don’t think you should be worried about it, because it doesn’t define you or say anything about you as a person. I’ve had partners and irl friends with much higher body counts than you, and I didn’t think any less of them because of it. It’s one of the least interesting things about a person, so getting too worked up about it is weirdo behavior.

I’m probably the wrong person to ask, since I haven’t really been on socials for about 4 years now, but I really don’t think it’s a big deal to share your Instagram with someone. Are you both particularly cagey about who you share it with? Maybe there’s just a more recent divide on how you curate your personal stuff now.

As far as being upset about not immediately sharing that someone else sent you unsolicited pictures, I think the anger is probably related to some other underlying issue moreso than trust. It could be about some insecurities that he has, but I’m not going to try too hard to rationalize his thought process because the response was completely inappropriate. We can’t even know for sure the response would have been any different even if you had told him right away. You didn’t want the pictures, and you did tell him about them on your own without him prying. He doesn’t get to determine the timeline that you do it on.

You’re not being delusional if you think he’s being irrational. He complains about not being able to trust you, but I don’t see why he deserves your trust either. I wouldn’t trust him with my emotions since he hasn’t shown that he can treat them with the depth that they deserve. The Instagram and GoFundMe stuff sounds like a really complex scenario, but he only thought about how it made him feel. If someone I actually care about did something that made them feel disgusting, I would want to comfort them before addressing the way that it made me feel. It’s something that happened to you, not him. He doesn’t get to be the victim just because you didn’t perfectly follow his instructions regarding the GoFundMe. He just dogpiled on you without giving you any air when you were the one who trusted him enough to open up about it.

In the future, you shouldn’t have to “try” to win anyone back. People who want to be in your life will put in the effort, since relationships are a two-way street. The people who don’t try aren’t deserving of your time. This sounds like it was a pretty terrible experience for you, but I hope it doesn’t make you more jaded about emotionally connecting with people.

I’m gonna be frank: I would not want to remain friends with someone like this at all. It’s incredibly insulting and manipulative to tell someone that they’re unworthy of being trusted when you know that they have issues with their self-worth, while also continuing to maintain contact with said person. Trust should be implicit in any opt-in relationship, whether it’s a platonic friendship or a romantic one. Relationships require sharing vulnerability, and I wouldn’t do that with anyone I don’t trust not to take advantage of me. If for any reason I no longer feel able to trust a person, that’s fine, it’s just where the relationship is going to end. From my (admittedly extremely limited) outsider perspective, you’re being vulnerable to this guy and he’s taking advantage of it.

You were honest with him about what you viewed as a mistake, and he used that as a vehicle to say you can’t be trusted? Make that make sense. I can’t say whether I’d be happy about it in the same scenario, but if anything it would make me trust you more. Even though you knew it would be upsetting, you made the mature choice to tell him what happened. I think an appropriate response in that situation would be to be upset, but to recognize that you were already reflecting on your actions. It sounds as though you were already unhappy, and even if he wasn’t going to comfort you, the least he could do is not blow a fuse. That’s not healthy behavior in a relationship, and I’d urge you to look at things like that when vetting potential partners in the future.

Plainly speaking, it sounds like you were just being strung along from this point forward. He knows or should have known how hurtful it is to say that he can’t trust you, especially given all of the nice and flowery things he’s said in the previous months. He knows your insecurities, and made them so much worse with his actions. Then, he continues a physical relationship with you and the dates under the guise of being “just friends” while knowing that you want something more from the relationship. That’s a horribly shitty thing to do to someone that you know you have an emotional grip on, especially if they have some emotional trauma as you seem to. It’s not something I would do to someone I dislike, let alone a friend I’m supposed to care about. It shows a complete disdain for your feelings. You deserve much better from your friends. Strangers on the internet shouldn’t be more considerate of your feelings than some guy that you wanted a relationship with.

I hope your therapy goes well. I’m rooting for you, and want to tell you that I think that you are absolutely worthy of love as you are, so you should try loving yourself. You’re honest, introspective, and capable of self-critique.